Tue 8/12/08 3:39 pm EDT – Cincinnati, OH Airport

Tue 8/12/08 3:39 pm EDT – Cincinnati, OH Airport
Currently Listening to: “Tears” by Rush

As I wait to board my final plane to Appleton, a few thoughts are running through my head. This feeling of independence is great. There are few times like I felt I was truly on my own. Before YouthWorks, the job excursion down to West Lafayette was one of them. Obviously, all of the YouthWorks summer also felt this way. It will be good to go home, but it is hard going back in a way. I don’t feel at all smothered by my parents or my independence is gone, but it is harder to know that there is a world without having things done for me. I don’t know. This summer was great, and I can’t wait to move out and move on to the next exciting stage of my life. I look forward to going out to the Twin Cities to check on apartments and the like August 21-22 with my best friend, Dan. It will be hard to leave the Fox Valley, but I may come back some day. Until then, I look forward to what God is doing in my life right now and the upcoming future. Another thing that ties into that last thought is that I am also afraid to leave everyone and everything I know behind for a big city where I know maybe 25 people (and some of them I don’t know well enough to just walk into their apt yet!) Oh well, God leads us in directions where we are busy looking at the map saying to ourselves: “Where am I going?” It’s funny, because this summer that is what I was saying for the first half of the summer. I was upset I was working for Kodak in a mind-numbingly boring job that was going nowhere. But because of those 6 or so months working for them, it helped land me the job at the Service Center! If it weren’t for that experience, maybe I would be crawling back to some other job when I got back…

Lesson learned: Trust in God and the way He has things unfold in our lives. Plus, those lame jobs (my night janitor job at Appleton Medical Center, being a server at TGI Friday’s, the customer service rep at Kodak, and countless experiences) bring about great stories to tell others and lessons learned. Some people have terrible hardships in their lives, and I believe part of the reason they go through those awful things is because they can share their stories and get lessons for their lives. I’ve seen great change in students week-to-week because of stories and lessons the Lakota people have shared, my stories, and the stories of the staff.

What does your story teach others? What lessons have you learned that you can share firsthand because you’ve experienced them?

I will always have that map wondering where I am going. Sometimes we think the advice of some other people or ourselves will get us to where we need to go. Truly, God gives direction and your plans are way different than what God has planned for us. It is hard to rely on God in these times, because we love to plan what are lives will become. I feel like I want to wrestle control from God, but when I do, I never know where I am headed! When I hand that control back to God (most of the time reluctantly, but sometimes with great joy), things come together even if I don’t understand why they happen in certain ways. Like why this past year have I become fueled with passion for fighting for justice and for people who can’t fight themselves. Why have I started longing for great community and rejecting parts of Americanized Christianity? Has it been the books I’ve been reading? The places I’ve gone? The horrendous things I’ve seen poverty and injustice do on the reservation? One thing for certain is never doubt God’s presence within the problems of our lives. He is there waiting for us to recognize Him in the face of others, and in their situations.

This is a Franciscan blessing that I read to church groups on Thursday morning before their last day of ministry on the reservation. Here it is in its entirety:

May God bless us with discomfort at easy answers,

half truths, and superficial relationships,

so that we may live deep within our hearts.

May God bless us with anger at injustice,

oppression, and exploitation of people

so that we may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless us with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain,

rejection, starvation and war,

so that we may reach out your hand to comfort them

and to turn their pain into joy.

May God bless us with enough foolishness

to believe that we can make a difference in this world,

so that we can do what others claim cannot be done.

Amen.

Finished while Listening to: “When I See You Smile” by Whitesnake

Tue 8/12/08 7:38 am – Denver International Airport, CO

Tue 8/12/08 7:38 am – Denver International Airport, CO
Currently Listening to: “Let’s Go Crazy” by Prince

Well, I’m finally done. Sitting in an airport brings back great memories from flying out here. Those were the days. Read the first posts to hear about those times. For the first time, I’ve been to an airport with free wireless internet. It’s great! Anyways, last night was Exit RAMP (a giant celebration and debriefing session). Yesterday, we made our final check ins and put our sites to an official close. Since my AD, Faith, now works for the FBI, she couldn’t make it since there is training in VA. Nate, our Regional Director, took over for our sites. We had a great lunch, a debrief session with our last time spent with our team, and a giant “faithfulness feast.” It included a salad, pita bread, hummus, chicken with feta cheese and tomatoes, asparagus, and sparkling lemonade. We had frozen yogurt with berries and chocolate for dessert while watching a picture slideshow of our Western Region sites. We later had a giant worship set complete with stories of how God has moved through our sites and us as people. Then around 11 pm, they posted airport runs and what time we had to leave. Guy took the 4 am shuttle, while I had to leave at 5:15 am. I also got to drive “Hank” (our YW truck from PR1 aka “Dancing with Paintbrushes”) to vehicle storage that early. Ugh. But now I am here, through security and ready for Cincy and finally… home.

Finished while Listening to: “Optimistic” by Radiohead

Mon 8/11/08 11:26 am – Lookout Mountain Community Church, Golden, CO

Mon 8/11/08 11:26 am – Lookout Mountain Community Church, Golden, CO
Currently Listening to: “I Don’t Want to Be” by Gavin DeGraw

It’s over in Pine Ridge. The summer is coming to an end, and that means my time on the res, and with these folks, is almost over. In our last week, we had cultural overload for those 19 people from family week. Monday night we had buffalo burgers sandwiched between small pieces of frybread. Tuesday night we had Indian tacos, and the cookout on Wednesday. It was great food. Plus, because of the small group, they got extra special attention from all the staff, and our contacts throughout the community. The group was solid, but I still could not wait to get back home. It’s not because I dislike where I was, but I am excited to get to my new job and place in MN (wherever that may be). When saying goodbye to everyone, it was hard, but necessary. Everyone we needed to say it to was there: our community members, my evening contacts, and importantly, the great kids from Manderson and Pine Ridge. Sunday night, after coming back from Pine Ridge and eating at Texas Roadhouse with our area, we stayed at a hotel. Worst. Sleep. Ever. It was terrible. I hope I can get more elsewhere…

Finished while Listening to: “Starship Trooper” by Yes

Sun 8/3/08 10:51 pm – PR

Sun 8/3/08 10:51 pm – PR
Currently Listening to: “The Lord of the Dance: Riverdance”

For the first time this year, I can’t think very well. There has been so much going on this week that I am trying to find words to write. I only have less than 10 days left on the res, and we’ll see what happens. This past week was great. The groups were great, but the whole week was exhausting for me, emotionally and spiritually. There was a giant powwow this weekend, and we enjoyed plenty of it. We went Thursday with students, and they invited us to dance. The wasichu (white people) aren’t very good dancers, though. We had a blast and it got better by being in the parade with Hands of Faith. We helped decorate the float Friday night and Saturday morning. We threw candy to what seemed like thousands of kids… That night, we went back and watched the dancers from the grand entry on. Ate an Indian taco, bought a t-shirt, you know, the works. Saw tons of people we knew from the communities we’ve served in: basically a great week. Now we only have 19 people here for our last week, a family week. One last week. Hope all goes well!

Currently Listening to: Silence… Sounds great for once!